They came upon a mid-night clear 2

Back in the bungalow my one cousin who had remained in the dark room was silently praying. She could hear the gun shots going off and could hear the shouting but she couldn't make out what was being said. In the house the silence and waiting still continued. The gun shots were heard and the shouting was heard as well but nothing could be made out.

With one gun man pointing a gun above my two cousins' heads, the other two left to try and find a way to get into the house. They were quite ingenious and soon found a way of getting in. The ladder that had been used by the men who had lowered the casket into the grave to climb in and out was still beside the grave where they had left it. The armed robbers - because this is what they were - collected the ladder from my grand mothers grave side and started back towards the house. They placed it under the wall where the a balcony jutted out from the large house and then they climbed up. All this while an uncle who had been posted at the window had been watching their progress and he was prepared to do what he had to do. He was ready to rush out from his post run unto the balcony and use his mopstick to clobber the head of the person who was trying to climb up or less complex, push down the ladder when the thief was high enough for his head to hurt when he fell. In between the time it took for the thieves to position their ladder and the time my uncle was trying to make his crucial decision another uncle of mine - I have quite a few - got wind of the fact that the thieves had the hostages. Incidentally his daughter was the one who was lying outside quivering in the dirt. He quickly ran to spread the word to all his brothers. "There's nothing we can do. They've got Chi-Chi" for this was his daughter's name.

Outside, one of the thieves was beginning to get friendly with my male cousin.
Thief : GIVE ME YOUR HAND SET.
Male cousin : Ok, wait let me get out my sim card.
Thief : ARE YOU STUPID, I SAID BRING YOUR HAND SET.
Male cousin : Easy now, let me just take the sim card.
Thief : YOU ARE VERY STUBBORN. YOU MUST BE A CULT MEMBER. COME AND WARN THIS BOY (this was said to the second thief who was positioning the ladder.)
Second thief : THERE MUST BE NO SHEDDING OF BLOOD.
At this point my cousin looked up to see the weapon which was supposedly soon going to shed his blood. To his disgust it was a simple matchete that was keeping him lying on the ground. He would have gotten up and made a dash for it but then he turned and saw my cousin who was crying so hard she was turning the red dust under her to mud. He sighed, handed over his mobile phone (sim card and all) and started comforting her.

Brief silence

Thief : GIVE ME YOUR WALLET.

Male cousin : Ok take the money, leave my wallet.

Thief : YOU WANT TO TRY ME TODAY ABI? I SAID GIVE ME YOUR WALLET.

Male cousin : Oya, just take what you came for.

With a deft movement of his hand he drew out his wallet, removed all the Naira notes and tucked his wallet safely back in his front jean pocket. He handed the money to the thief without looking at him. He won that round.

Yet, the scales were tipped significantly. At a time both sides were about equal. The armed robbers had the guns but couldn't enter the house, the parents had the sticks and knew the layout of the house. Now, they would have to tread softly to ensure that everyone came out of the ordeal alive. The thieves climbed up the ladder and the uncle who was going to have clobbered them was the one who opened the door. They swaggered in and entered the upstairs parlour. They shouted "YOU DIDN'T TREAT US WELL WHEN WE CAME FOR THE FUNERAL YESTERDAY. WE WERE NOT SERVED FOOD ON TIME. WE HAVE COME TO TAKE THE MONEY THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU THAT YOU DON'T DESERVE!" The women heard, the men heard, actually the only person that didn't hear was my cousin who was still praying in the bungalow. They were answered by my Uncle who was the head of the family. He tried to placate them, make them see that they should go home. His soothing tones didn't work. The other uncle's were left hanging in limbo. They had been disarmed emotionally as their neice and nephew were hostages.

There was chaos everywhere. The women were being true to their gender and having panic attacks in the room they were enclosed in. By now they knew the thieves were in the house and this scared most of them out of their wits. They had been depending on their men folk to keep the theives out of their house. The men hadn't counted on the theives being smart enough or as it were lucky enough to take hostages. The women didn't know why or how the thieves had gotten in. All they knew was that they were in and their men folk had somehow failed to keep them out. The women who were able to faint did and revived to find themselves still in the same situation. The room was quite stuffy and my cousin who is asthmatic soon succumbed to an attack. My eldest sister, of blog fame who I've always thought was quite a tough person was reduced to hysterics and uncontrollable shaking. She was held by my aunt who kept singing the popular gospel chorus 'The name of the Lord is, a strong tower, the Onuzo's (my family surname) run into and they are saved". Another aunt was having verbal hysterics and making the hot room even hotter. Other's were silently wondering what would happen. In fact the only exception was my mother. My mother surprising has a rod of steel running under her spine which has a soft top layer. People realised that day that though she panics at quite trivial things when it comes to major things you can expect her to be calm. She was the only one who was able to work out that going into hysterics wasn't going to make the thieves go away any quicker. If they wanted money, then she would make sure it was given to them. She is a doctor and she has long since learned that no money is too much to spare when the lives of loved ones were at stake. She jumped up and began to pack the money into nearby buckets. The bulk of the money was in the room where the women were so she didn't have to leave. The other women were still too occupied with attack, shakes and general hysteria to be of much use so one of my older male cousins came to assist my mother. My mother put the money in a bucket then passed it to my cousin, who took it out of the room and then gave it to my uncle who then passed it to my father who finally passed then the bucket through the windows of the parlour to the thieves. A smooth system was established.

My dad decided to enliven the monotony of his job as the Final Bucket Passer (FBP) and began to make conversation with the thieves. My father is always looking for a convert and opportunities to evangelise. He did not fail to find an opportunity in this situation. He told the thieves point blank that they were wasting their time. Any money taken from them (my family) would not affect them as there would always be God to provide for us. Any money that they stole would still not benefit the thieves as there would always be a God in heaven to judge so it was better that they just went home and did something positive with their lives, starting by becoming christians. My father though not very old, looks quite elderly as he has premature grey hair. His seeming old age and his words rather subdued the thieves but unfortunately it didn't subdue them enough to stop collecting the money. Still, their manner became more respectful and instead of grabbing the money they politely accepted it with their right hands. There might even have been a dalu(thank-you) said in there somewhere.

In fact the whole atmosphere was becoming more relaxed. The women had calmed down quite a lot and some of the more bouyant ones were beginning to crack a few jokes. My sister though had not stopped shaking and one of my cousins looked at her and said "See her, she's still shaking up till now. Thank God Chibundu (me) isn't here cos if she is shaking like this I wonder what Chibundu will have been doing now." A few short laughs were awarded to this jokes. You see, I am well known in my family for my ability to panic for quite tiny things. Well, all I have to say on that is that I am like my mother in that respect and if I was in the room with them I would probably have been right beside my mother packing money into basins and buckets. In fact, I believe I would have had the idea myself.

Meanwhile, one of my uncles who was posted downstairs was getting bored. He wasn't getting any of the action and suddenly a thought came to him. "Why don't I go and get help". He hurriedly slipped out of the house and made haste to execute his thought. He picked up one of the old bicyles lying around the compound and began to ride to the wall dividing our compound and the next. The yard man, saw him as he was riding off and ran behind him. My Uncle stopped about fifty metres away from the fence. By the way, this Uncle was a little over fifty at this time. At fifty metres, he took a deep breath and began to sprint to the wall. In his stride, he placed his hand on the wall and vaulted away. The yard man gave a quick victory dance and would have applauded this great feat not easy for a young man of twenty-five if not for the proximity of the thieves. He quickly ran to the wall with the bicycle and threw it over the fence. My Uncle mounted the bicycle and was off. He soon got to the police station and jumped off the bike. He hurriedly explained to the police the situation back at the compound.

Police man : We are sorry but we don't have sufficient men to go and chase after the miscreants that are perambulating around your compound.

Uncle : But you don't need many men, there are only three of them.

Police man : I am sorry but we can not help you sir.

My Uncle saw there was no need in arguing with them so he left quickly to go and look for aid elsewhere. As he was cruising on the bike he saw a revival going on. "Christian brothers" he thought "they will surely help". And Lo and behold they did. The revival crowd decided to follow my Uncle and help chase away the miscreants that were perambulating around our compound. My uncle road in front of the crowd triumphantly but their progress was quite slow. They finally reached the compound the gates were flung open and the revival crew recently turned police, rushed in with sticks and bottles to get the thieves. There was a lot of chaos. People rushed up and down, the women became afraid again, the men worried. During all the turmult the thieves managed to slip into the crowd and pretended that they were looking for themselves. Needless to say, they got away but apart from a few bruises that my stubborn cousin suffered there were no serious casualties.

After the ordeal everyone was exhausted. My mother went straight to bed and most of the family followed suit. The children drifted to the empty rooms in the house. My cousins outside on the ground finally stood up. Their legs were cramped severely and they stretched. My crying cousin wiped her eyes and thanked God she was alive, my stubborn cousin though was pinching himelf over the loss of his lovely phone and sim card. He slung his hand around her shoulder and they walked into the house. My cousin in the bungalow heard the quite and after waiting for about ten minutes decided it was time to find out what was going on. She walked out treading softly, seeing the coast clear she made a dash for the door. Luckily, no one stopped her on the second crossing that night and she went into the house. In an hour's time the whole compound was quite again and everyone was asleep.

Well so the story was over it seemed, but really not quite. From the obvious clue I gave you probably guessed that the thieves were residents of our village which boasts only about 300 members. If you can recall, the dog which is usually quite hostile to strangers didn't bark once that night, showing that these people had come to our compound quite often. My family though decided to let it go, nobody was hurt so there was really no need to chase down the thieves. Their logic was that the money hadn't really benefited them much. In the months after the stealing, nobody in our village suddeny built a new house to rival ours or got a new car strangely. In the months after the stealing, nobody in my family suffered any discomfort as a result of the loss of that money. In fact we were even better than ever.

As always, at the end of everything we always give thanks to God, the starter an finisher of all things. As I have said, our God has a sense of humour. Ironically, the money that had been set aside to give thanksgiving was not touched. It was found on the table the next morning, neatly stacked and clearly undisturbed, ready to be presented in church!