Tribute to the people who know more than you

This post is a tribute to the afore mentioned. These people are the ones you can not go through life without passing. Without them we wouldn't know much and with them we can never know enough. They come roughly in three categories.

The first category is called the Exclamatory Group (E.G). I coined this name from the way people in this group impart their knowledege to you. As the name of this irritating body implies they exclaim and their loud ejaculations resound all over the house. When they find out your area of ignorance they usually start by shouting very loudly: 'What! You don't know who/what/where that is?' Mostly elder brothers and sisters fall in this category and even more so in my family. Once we were watching Seinfield and one of the characters was being sarcastic and said something like 'The Dingo ate my baby' in an Australian accent. The canned laughter followed this statement as well as my sister's laughter. I innocently asked 'why are you laughing' (mind you I was only about eleven). And then of course the exclamation came out: 'What!' she screamed 'You haven't heard about the VERY FAMOUS Australian case where this woman said a dingo ate her baby but other people thought she killed it.' Surprise, surpise I hadn't heard about this o so famous case. 'You people are so misinformed' she said almost pityingly. She then went on to inform us about this famous case whose fame should somehow have spread to Nigeria through the Guardian Newspaper even though I probably couldn't read when it was hot news. This is just one of the many cases that occur when you live with members of the E.G. You also run the risk of going deaf from the 'What!' screamed at you. I would advise you to have ear plugs on hand before you display your ignorance if you live with these kind of people.

The next group is called the Droppings Ltd. This is because they are always dropping pearls of wisdom that are completely irrelevant to the discussion you are holding with them. If you know people that like to read history books or are interested in physics they will probably belong to this company. You know they are about to release a pearl when they say at some point in the conversation these three words together: Did you know....... For example lets say you are discussing the increasing divorce rates all over the world and you unknowingly say:
You : I have noticed that in England the divorce rates are quite high.
Other person : Speaking of England did you know that in the time of Henry VIII the breach between the king and the Pope forced clergy, office-holders and others to choose their allegiance - the most famous being Sir Thomas More, who was executed for treason in 1535.
At this point in the conversation if you are not another member of the Droppings Ltd. you will not follow up on this statement but just nod and try to steer the conversation back to the increasing divorce rates in the world. The problem with conversing with the members of this association is that a ten minute discussion can easily take two hours as they continually wander off course. I wouldn't encourage you to talk to these people on your mobile phone, rather talk to them on free land line to landline or even better wait to have a face to face discussion with them.

The third, final and my favourite group of knowledge imparters is called the Gentle Knowledge Givers (G.K.G). These people are absolutely fantastic. They neither drop unwanted pearls or shout out discouraging exclamations. Best of all, you hardly ever realise that they are teaching you something till they're done. Sadly though, not all members of the G.K.G are teachers as this business is not very lucrative but when they are you hardly ever forget their lessons. There's no need to give an example about the G.K.G's as if you've ever had at least one teacher who just made a subject come alive then you will understand what I'm saying.

To sum up, even though I don't like some of the methods used above to pass across knowledge these people are looking out for your best interests. Sometimes they just want to show you how smart they are but most of the times they are just trying to stop you from becoming an ignoramus. I do thank them but now and then I still find myself wondering - especially after a session with the droppers or the exclaimers - if ignorance really is bliss.