My Purpose

I have found a purpose for my life. Yeah! And this purpose is to write a book. Now I discovered this purpose about five years ago actually when I was in primary five but this is the first time I have actually been close to realising my dream. I have started four books since then and have completed none. The first two were scrapped by my mother. She said I should write what I know about. The third one was on a topic I knew quite a lot about but it was scrapped by me because I got tired of it and the fourth just never really took off. This brings me to my fifth book which I am presently working on now. Since, it is obvious that I do not have the patience to sit down and write a long work; I have decided that I will write short stories instead. Fifteen to be exact because of my age. So far I've churned out four in about the space of a week. I just thought I'd show you one of them so when they are published you will want to read the whole book. I don't think this is the best one but it's the shortest.

The Joke

We are a giggly bunch in my family, especially my sister and I. We are all adopted yet our parents still managed to pick out the giggliest kid from each orphanage we all came from. The twins laugh like horses, my brother laughs like a cow and Kayla and I sound caw like jackdaws. You should hear us when we’re watching a funny sitcom. We sound like the zoo’s just moved in. Ironically, mum and dad don’t laugh much. Dad’s eyes twinkle and mum’s mouth lifts at the corner but they rarely actually laugh.

Anyway, Kayla and I decided to pull one over our mum. We had decided we were mature enough to play a practical joke without bursting into mirth and we set the day for April 1st. Yep the big one. April fools herself. What better day to hoodwink our mother than the anniversary of all practical jokers. We planned for weeks. Rehearsed our lines; practiced our grimaces; we were not going to let a little thing like laughter spoil our plan.

The day dawned bright and clear but trust mum to ruin it. She decided that morning that she was going to go to work early and check on her clinic. Kayla and I were terribly disappointed. Till twelve we played jokes on each other and our siblings but our hearts weren’t in it. Even when we made our brother believe that our dog had somehow made it into his room and peed on the bed we didn’t derive much joy. "How did you do it without laughing?" he asked in wonder. "I dunno" I said with a disinterested shrug. Till twelve noon we kept willing mum to come back but she didn’t. At twelve noon on the dot we gave up. The rule was that anyone who performed a joke after that time was actually the fool. There was no point trying to fool someone if you were still going to end up as a fool whether they believed you or not.

Kayla and I were moody for the rest of the day. After weeks of planning, all our efforts had proven futile. All our annoyance was channelled towards our mother. After all, it was her fault she wasn’t there for us to play a practical joke on her. She did eventually come back but at around five. She was about five hours late. We went to greet her but the greetings came out in such a reproachful manner that she looked up and asked "What’s the matter? Why the long faces?" "Nothing" we said at the same time. "Let me guess? A joke didn’t work?" If only she knew. I could feel Kayla about to start giggling so I dug her in the ribs and said "We’re fine mum." I had to drag her out of the room. She was trying so hard not to giggle; the effort was almost killing her. When we got to our room, she took a deep breath and let out a long howl of laughter. "You should have seen your face?" she said in between gasps for air. "You looked so angry." I frowned at her. "C’mmon it’s not that big a deal. So what we couldn’t crack the joke. We’ll do it next year."

I frowned at her again and then it came to me. "Who’s to say we can’t do it after twelve. I mean we’re just two independent practical jokers we don’t have to stick to the National Rules of April Fools day. I mean we have the right to play practical jokes whenever we want, whatever day we want, however we want." Kayla only nodded slowly at my passionate speach. "Well then we can still play our joke tonight." She gave me a side-glance sceptically. It took me a while to convince her that it was fine to play a joke after twelve on April Fools Day and that the April Fool fairy (I know she made that up) wouldn’t come and get us if we did. She finally agreed. We spat on it and decided it would happen at nine o’clock that night. Everything was back on track.

At night we snuck into the kitchen and stole some ketchup. We smeared a great amount on Kayla’s dress, knees and legs and then returned the bottle back to the kitchen. I’m older so I got to choose who got dirty. I climbed up the stairs with Kayla close behind me. When we were about four stairs from the top I prodded Kayla hard in her side and she let out a real scream. "Ow!" she yelped. "What did you do…." "Shhhhhh" I whispered "or I’ll prod you harder." She muttered under her breath but she kept quiet. Our mum came running out pretty soon after Kayla shouted and demanded to know what was going on. "Kayla fell down the stairs and hurt her leg" I said trying to sound as distressed. "Really?" my mum asked. "Well come in let’s have a look."

We followed her. I was supporting Kayla as much as I possibly could without falling over. My mum got out some anti septic and dabbed some on cotton wool. Kayla wrinkled up her nose at the smell of it but I gave her such a look, she jumped and continued to look pained. "So tell me what happened" she said as she began to dab cotton wool on the ketchup stains. Anytime I thought Kayla should wince or make a sound of pain I nudged her with my elbow. I hadn’t expected out joke to go that well and I was revelling in its success. "Well" we were coming down the stairs. Kayla was in front and I was behind. Then she tripped and fell. I ran to the bottom of the stairs and dragged her up." "Really?" my mum said as she dabbed the final blob of ketchup. "You are both very brave girls. Kayla you hardly cried and you were so helpful by bringing your sister up here." She brought out her special supply of sweets and handed Kayla and I two lollipops each! We were amazed, stupefied and everything else in between. We couldn’t believe that our silly little joke had brought such rewards. "Thank you mummy" we both said and hurried out of the room before she could change her mind. "I told you it doesn’t matter what time you play the joke" I said triumphantly to Kayla as I sucked my strawberry lollipop.

That was the best practical joke Kayla and I ever played;both before and after the operation. Now, at the ripe and mature age of twenty-three I know our mum couldn’t have actually believed our story. Every time I touch the scar on my hip -where Kayla and I were joined- I smile and think of my mum’s solemn face as I told her that Kayla had rolled to the bottom of the stairs without me attached to her.